#2 Top Experience With Dad

As I previously indicated, there are myriad experiences I've had with my parents that quickly come to mind. However, as I've contemplated the more personal, intrinsically valuable occurrences I've decided to focus in this case on one of the tug at the heart, cut to the quick experiences that involved both Dad and me. It was in the Spring of 1972, just before I was to go on my mission to Alaska and British Columbia, Canada for 2 years.

In the Mormon Church, at that time, it was a very big deal to have your Father ordain you an Elder just prior to your departing for the mission field. During my interview process, I spoke with Bishop Halverson about having my Father ordain me (it was common knowledge in the Ward that my Dad had smoked for many years). In spite of the Word of Wisdom problem, the Bishop (who was well aware of this issue) confirmed it would be fine for my Dad to ordain me. So I was all prepped and excited when I was scheduled to go with Dad to our old meeting house on Holmes Road in KC the next Sunday to be interviewed by the Stake President. Dad was also very proud that he would be allowed to ordain me and was suited up appropriately to conduct the ordination.

I had my final interview with President Sanders and then indicated that my Dad was in the foyer waiting to ordain me. President Sanders stopped me and indicated strongly that he knew my Father did not obey the Word of Wisdom and would NOT allow him to ordain me. In fact he wanted to discourage me from allowing my Father to even stand in the circle with us during my ordination. Maybe its hard for the reader to get the depth of the feelings I had at that point, but I just felt like my strong, anxious Father, who was waiting for me to come fetch him - was about to have his feelings and pride crushed. I was also in no small measure feeling like he and I both had been set up and betrayed because of the prior approval from our Bishop. The Stake President saw me sitting there stunned and probably looking at him with displeasure - I finally restated that the Bishop had given me a green flag on the issue and I had brought my Dad along for that purpose. I had dated the Stake President's daughter off and on for six years and knew him and his family well - too well. President Sanders put his hand on my shoulder and stated that he would be happy to explain the situation to Dad, but he just could not have him do the ordination. I stood up and firmly stated that no one but I would deliver such news to my Dad - I also requested that he be allowed to stand in the circle during the ordination (you Mormons will understand). President Sanders nodded his hanging head and I walked out to find Dad.

So whether you understand the heart felt feelings I was having or not, try to appreciate the fact that I had just turned 19 (see the pic above) and this was a very big event in a young Mormon man's life. Having your Father do the ordination (at least it was at that time in our area) was an anticipated honor (if the Father was "worthy"). It should not have been such a surprise - but it was, because I had been so upfront with my Bishop and it all seemed to be no big deal and approved. Later after the event Bishop Halverson apologized to me for the hurt and disagreement between him and the Stake President - but at that moment I felt like both Dad and I had been scorned and set aside. However, I sucked it up and found Dad in the foyer, just as another Ward had ended their Sunday School services. The foyer was jammed with people, but it was sweet / strange - it seemed like Dad & I were all alone there. I walked up to Dad, he could tell I was upset about something, and threw my arms around him. He was 5' 10" and I was 6' 1", so my arms were mostly around his head. Tears came to my eyes and I tried to speak.

Now Dad had been deaf in his left ear since childhood (ear infection burst his ear drum), and you learned to always walk or sit on his right side if you wished for him to hear you. So with my arms wrapped mostly around his ears, and his being deaf in the left one (and my mouth was on his left side as we embraced), he asked me to tell him again what was upsetting me. I looked him in the eye and told him that the Stake President would not approve of him being voice in my ordination. I then embraced him again and we both cried for a while - just standing there in the milling crowd of church goers. It was a shared moment between a Father and a Son that no one else can probably identify with - but it was poignant to us both because we both felt that we had disappointed the other, and it was heart rending because we had gotten conflicting opinions / approvals / disapprovals from the others involved. We spoke privately there in the foyer to each other, with apologies and regrets, not just as Father and Son - but as men who had worked together and really knew each other, and from that day on were each others best friend. We finally pulled ourselves together and went down the hall to accomplish what we had come for. He stood in the circle. He was always in the circle for me, coaching me, encouraging me, loving me. My Dad was my best friend.